Chimpomatic

News

Reviews

Articles

Surveillance

The Boy Downstairs

Like a long episode of Girls that’s all about one of the more boring characters.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

16th Sep 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

Search

How It Ends

Great concept, but shoddily directed and utterly devoid of jeopardy.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

17th Jul 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

Geostorm

Sub Roland Emmerich swill, with Gerard Butler saving the world from crazy weather.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

13th Jul 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

The Outsider

Brutally sincere, painfully thin yakuza flick. Jared Leto goes full Gaijin.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

6th Jul 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

Star Wars

The Last Jedi

Every moment is undermined by a gag and the few serious scenes are sloppily handled.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

13th Apr 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

The Mummy

Blockbuster-by-numbers as Universal clumsily attempt to build a franchise.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

24th Feb 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

The Cloverfield Paradox

Some good ideas, buried by shambolic direction and storytelling.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

20th Feb 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

The Ones Below

Clunky Brit thriller that telegraphs every one of its sub-Hitchcockian twists, despite the decent premise.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

3rd Jan 2018

Read more 2 star reviews

Life

Lifeless sci-fi horror. Gravity meets Piranha.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

12th Dec 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

Assassin’s Creed

Stylish, but utterly nonsensical drivel. Knowing anything about the game might vaguely help.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

24th Nov 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

The Girl on the Train

Bland, predictable potboiler that could have been written, directed and acted by a computer.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

18th Nov 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

Finding Dory

Convoluted, charmless sequel. A rare misfire from Pixar.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

17th Sep 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

Ordinary World

Billie Joe Armstrong plays a former star dealing with 40. Good concept, rendered as flat as possible.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

16th Sep 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

War Machine

Catastrophically miscast black comedy that fails at every turn. Big let down from star and director.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

11th Jun 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

Ghostbusters

Lazy, half-baked remake/reboot, totally lacking in charm.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

17th May 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

Daddy's Home

Wafer thin parenting parable, barely coasting along on the charm of Ferrell and Wahlberg.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

16th May 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

A Bigger Splash

Glacially paced, pretentious arthouse fluff, that fritters away a potentially interesting set up.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

21st Jan 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

The Hateful Eight

Tarantino zeros in on the most-tedious-film-ever award. Someone get the guy a new editor.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

7th Jan 2017

Read more 2 star reviews

13 Hours

Beard-heavy special ops bloodbath, with more than a passing nod to the equally impartial Black Hawk Down.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

26th Oct 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Keeping Rosy

Half baked British thriller. Some decent ideas, but it's all a bit studenty.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

28th Aug 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Pan

Another disastrous Peter Pan reboot. Nonsensical gibberish, trying to capture some Baz Luhrmann weirdness.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

18th Aug 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Everest

Tension free wander up and down the mountain. Everybody plays it worthy, only Gyllenhaal vaguely impresses.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

23rd Jul 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Legend

Tom Hardy gives two 1-note performances in this dull, derivative Goodfellas wannabe.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

9th Jun 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Southpaw

Cookie cutter boxing pic that can't decide if it's ripping off Rockie, Raging Bull or Million Dollar Baby.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

8th May 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Terminator Genisys

Could have been the BTTF2 of the series. Good concept, poor script, bad casting and appalling CGI.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

5th Mar 2016

Read more 2 star reviews

Avengers Age of Ultron

Superhero clusterfuck. Cinematic, but overstuffed and riddled with dumb, cartoony CGI fluff.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

31st Dec 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Austin to Boston

Road-movie-concept music doc. Good on paper, but contrived, self-important and superficial.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

2nd Dec 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Project Almanac

MTV presents a Primer clone for the teenage generation. A found footage angle dilutes things further.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

16th Oct 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Unbroken

Self-important, tedious cookie cutter bio. Unfortunately, even Roger Deakins’ cinematography is forgettable.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

14th Oct 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

A Most Wanted Man

Tension free Le Carre adaptation, with a star studded US cast pretending to be Euro.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

1st Oct 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

The Guest

Underdeveloped thriller from a promising director. More Twilight than Terminator.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

1st Oct 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

The Phantom Menace

The most disappointing sequel of all time has only got worse with age. Only Darth Maul redeems.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

15th Aug 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

The Double

Sub-Gilliam Kafka-esque twoddle. It's all intentional, but just ends up looking like an 80s student film.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

24th Jul 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Mad Max Fury Road

2 hours of utterly unmotivated nonsense, interspersed with OTT wacky races. But I was never a fan.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

21st Jul 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

The Counsellor

Indecipherable monologues from Hollywood's A list, shot by a director with a dismal success ratio.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

13th Jun 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Aloha

Emma Stone playing a half-Chinese/Hawaiian local is the least of this confusing Cameron Crowe washout's problems.


#Screened
#Film
#chimp71

3rd Jun 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Foxcatcher

Portentous wrestling pic. Nicely shot, with a raft of solid performances, but it's boring as hell.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

5th May 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Blackhat

Out of touch, contrived, misguided, miscast, dull disaster from Michael Mann. Reasonably well shot.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

19th Apr 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Open Windows

Convoluted found footageish thriller. Channeling Rear Window, but too smartass, shapeless and pointless.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

7th Feb 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

Robin Hood

Decidedly lacklustre effort from the doldrums of the 1970s Disney studio. With mis-guided Honky Tonk.

Halliwell says: Alarmingly poor cartoon feature with all the characters 'played' by animals; songs especially dim and treatment quite lifeless.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF
#Halliwell

1st Jan 2015

Read more 2 star reviews

The Interview

Witless comedy with none of the observation of Knocked Up, or the outrageousness of Team America.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

28th Dec 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Cherry

Predictable indie drama. Following in the footsteps of 'Starlet', but with less style and originality.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

23rd Dec 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Triangle

Laborious time loop thriller with many similarities to the far superior Timecrimes.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

18th Dec 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Predestination

Clunky time-travel-paradox yarn that telegraphs its beats well ahead of time.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

5th Dec 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Diminishing returns for those damn dirty apes, with none of the humanity of ROTPOTA.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

13th Nov 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Big Sur

Stiff, lifeless, disengaging Kerouac adaption, complete with bad wigs. And only 81 mins long.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

15th Sep 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Magic Magic

Foreboding, tedious US-enhanced Chilean psycho thriller that's decidedly half-baked in the thrills dept.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

5th Sep 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Decoding Annie Parker

A powerful subject neutered by a shoddy script, poor direction and diabolical photography.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

31st Aug 2014

Read more 2 star reviews

Parker

Forgettable take on the well worn character, blending him seamlessly into Statham's narrow character database.


#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

28th Aug 2014

Read more 2 star reviews